You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
