i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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