it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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