Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
