I wish I could teleport
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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