I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
