alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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