my phone needs a breathalizer
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
