perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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