the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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