its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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