I didn't shave. On purpose
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
