At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize