I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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