she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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