Plan B is the new Plan A
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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