so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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