we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
