god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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