I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
