i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Your penis caused this!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
