Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
