"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
