The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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