Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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