New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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