My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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