what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
