We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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