those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I want a musical about memes.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
