One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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