he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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