Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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