Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
