i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
