Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
