Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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