So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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