u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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