So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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