nut hugger
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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