You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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