Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
