Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
