did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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