What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
