I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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