Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
