turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
