Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
