Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
