The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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