I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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