Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
