alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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