I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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