ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
