Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
