you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize